Tags

, , , , , ,

ImageWords. There are thousands of them to chose from. Millions of different combinations to put them together. So you’d think it would be really easy to put a few together. We do it all the time. Talk non-stop. Make hundreds of sentences daily. Yet, why is it so hard for me to open my mouth and let my vocal chords do what they do so well? I had thought of a long list of things I wanted to talk to her about. Ask her how she’s been. How she’s getting along. What I missed out on in the years we had lost touch. But why is it that not one of them would come to my mind right now. Here she is. Sitting right in front of me. Beautiful. Maybe even more than I could remember. Goodness, just look at how she has aged in just a few years. I wonder what kind of a joke life played on her. I wish I could take all her pain away. I wish I could hold her close to me tight in my arms and tell her it’s gonna be Ok. I wish I could make up for lost time. I wish she’d tell me what’s on her mind. I wish I hadn’t lost the right to ask. Why would she open up to me? I’m lucky she even agreed to this meeting. Her eyes still have their sparkle. Her smile still makes you forget all the problems in the world. Her graceful presence so calming and content. She looks happy. Like she’s doing great. But that’s just how she has always been. Never hints what the weather inside is like. No door, no window, no crack that might lead you to what’s in her heart unless she holds your hands and leads you in. I tell myself to say something. Say anything! I look at her and my heart drops to my stomach. My God, she’s perfect. What a fool I was. What a bloody fool! We used to be able to talk all day, and then all night. We could solve any problem in the world. Pour our heart and soul out to each other. She looks at peace. Then why am I dying on the inside? Perhaps it was my fault. I walked away from something so beautiful and pure. Regrets. So many regrets. What’s done is done. I must look forward. I must correct all my mistakes and make this right. Everyone else could see what we couldn’t. We belonged together. Anyone could see it. Wish we understood this then. We may or may not end up together. But if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that we will always love each other. I guess that’s why I am all out of words. We understand each other without the need to say anything. I hold her hand and she rests her head on my shoulder. A moment of bliss. And then all of the sudden I get a sick feeling just thinking about how I’m going to tell my wife.

Advertisements